Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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