I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
