Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
