i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
