I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
