She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
