What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I look excited, but its just a facade.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
