I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
