so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head