Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule