are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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