I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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