I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
