When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
