Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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