at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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