You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
