Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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