I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
