We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
wow bdsm is so cute
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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