he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
