i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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