My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
