I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
