I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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