I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
