Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
