Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
