you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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