Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
