Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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