Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
