TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
