Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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