i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
