I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
