Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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