I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
