apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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