i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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