Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
