No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
