I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
