i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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