Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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