At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize