He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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