Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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