so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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