I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
