everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
