just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
