Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
