I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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