i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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