she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
