I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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