u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
