Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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