So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
