She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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