**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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