My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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