May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
