do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
