I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize