you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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