You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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