sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
