I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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