I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
